Earth Sandwich
by dyslexic-Carmie
Summary: Oneshot. If one person sets a slice of bread on the ground on one side of the world, and another person does the same on another side of the world, then those two people have just made an earth sandwich.


He readjusted the settings on his computer. "Can you hear me now?"

His friend laughed. "What? I never learned how to read lips!"

He sighed and typed, _"Are you still unable to hear the audio?"_

His friend laughed again and typed his response. _"Yep! Its like I'm watching the TV on mute!"_

"_Maybe you need to readjust the settings on your computer," _he typed back.

"_Are you able to hear me?" _

"_Yes."_

"_Prove it! I'm going to say something out loud and you're going to tell me what I said. Okay?"_

There was a pause.

"_So, are you going to say anything?"_

"_Yeah, I'm just thinking about what I should say." _

"_Just say anything." _

"Okay, testing one-two-three-four. Hello, my name is America and I'm currently on Google Chat with my good friend, Japan," his friend said into his computer. "We're currently having audio issues so I'm unable to hear my friend, Japan. It's like watching the TV on mute!"

"_Okay, testing one-two-three-four. Hello, my name is America-"_

His friend stopped him from typing further. "All righty dude you made your point. I believe ya!"

"So, are you going to fix your audio problem?"

"What? Dude, I already told you that I don't know how to lip read."

"_Sorry, I just asked if you were going to fix your audio problem."_

"_Oh."_

"_Are you going to fix it?"_

"Yeah, I just got to figure out what's wrong with my computer." His friend looked at his computer settings. "Oh, I figured out the problem!"

"_What is it?" _

His friend turned up the volume on his computer. "I didn't have the volume on! Okay, bro say something out loud!"

"Are you able to hear me?"

His friend chuckled. "Yeah! Dude! Whoop! I'm able to hear ya! This is awesome!"

"So, what do you want to do?"

His friend laughed and pushed a few buttons to get a monocle on the Google Chat settings. "Yo check out my epic monocle!"

He rolled his eyes. "What exactly are we going to talk about? When you begged me to have a video chat with you, I thought it was for something really important."

"Dude! Monocles are so important!" His friend laughed again. "Isn't video chat just the greatest? Before the internet I had to fly all the way to Tokyo to talk to ya."

"We had telephones-"

His friend cut him off. "True, true, true. But I wasn't able to see all the weird faces you make when you talk."

He raised an eyebrow. "I make weird faces?"

His friend ignored the question and went to the same place he went to give himself a monocle to add a mustache to his presence. "Bam! Mustache! I bet if I grow one of these in real life I wouldn't be ID'ed when I buy lotto tickets."

"You play the lottery?"

"Yeah, man. With my human age the only gambling I can do is with buying lotto tickets. I would love to be able to go to casinos and stuff, but most of them in my home have a stupid age limit."

"Ah."

"Well not all of them have that stupid twenty-one age limit. All the casinos in Puerto Rico are totally bros. And I think some on the reservations are cool too. I'm not one-hundred percent sure if those have a lower age limit."

While his friend was talking he looked at the clock on his computer. It was a little later than he liked it to be.

"I hope Puerto Rico becoming a state doesn't make their casino age limit go up. I'm happy with it being eighteen," his friend continued. "Puerto Rico is probably one of the coolest parts of my home. They all speak Spanish their, have lovely beaches that are perfect for hitting on chicks, and the drinking age there is eighteen! Isn't that great?"

"Sure," he answered. "Uh... America how much longer is this video chat going to last?"

His friend ignored the question. "Bro, I really hope Puerto Rico becoming a state doesn't make it less awesome. Don't get me wrong, I excited that they want to enter statehood, and I'm super curious to see what my flag is going to look like. But I just really want that place to still sell me beer and let me gamble. It sucks that Puerto Rico is one the only places where I'm allowed to get drunk in my own home."

"I can see how that could be inconvenient," he said. "Anyway, America I was just wondering how much longer this video chat is going to be. I have to meet with my boss in about twenty minutes."

His friend laughed. "Okay, dude I'll let ya loose to go talk with your boss man-"

"Ah, thank you."

"But before you log off your computer we got to try something super awesome!"

"Oh?"

"Do you have any bread around you?"

"I might have some in the kitchen."

His friend held up a bag of Wonder Bread. "Awesome man. Go get a slice. Or bring the computer with ya to the kitchen to speed this greatness up. I got all my bread up in here!"

He picked up his computer and carried it with him to his kitchen. He found his bread and took out a slice. "Will this do?"

"Wow man that bread is so small. Are you holding it really far away from the webcam or something?"

He shook his head. "No. I think your American sizes are just too big."

"Do you have any bigger slices of bread?"

"No. Do you have any smaller slices of bread?"

His friend shook his head. "Nope, but I do have some slices that are bigger than this one."

"That's crazy."

His friend laughed. "Okay, whatever. I guess it doesn't matter that we don't have bread that's the same size."

"What exactly are we going to do with this bread?"

"Make a earth sandwich!"

"A what?"

"A earth sandwich!" His friend squealed. "Just set your slice of bread on the ground and I'll set my slice of bread on the ground! It'll be a earth sandwich 'cause we're currently on opposite sides of the word!"

"You want me to waste bread by setting it on the floor?"

"Dude, relax we can just have a earth sandwich for like five seconds. The five-second rule will keep your bread from getting all gross."

"I don't think the five-second rule exists."

His friend ignored him. "So on the count of three I'm going to set my piece of bread on the ground, and you're going to set your piece of bread on the ground. Then we'll have an earth sandwich! The bread will be the bread and the earth will be the middle of the sandwich! Ready? One-two-three!"

He sighed and set his bread down along with his friend.

"Earth sandwich!" his friend said excited. "Now I have something else I can scratch off my bucket list!"

"Good for you."

He picked up his bread. His floor was clean, so his bread was free of contamination. However, it still didn't want to put it back with his other slices of bread. He'll have to eat it.

"Dude! That was awesome! Okay, now you can go to your meeting and stuff. Bye! Talk to me later, okay?"

"Okay. Bye."

They both logged off of their computers. He put his computer away, and headed towards his meetings still holding his slice of bread.

"Sorry, I'm late I was busy talking to America on Google chat," he told his boss when he entered his meeting room.

His boss shook his head. "I think your America friend is rubbing off on you."

"Why?"

"You're carrying a snack. You don't normally snack on carbs."

He looked at the slice of bread in his hand and blushed. "Ah, this is just a left over of a earth sandwich I made with America."

"Earth sandwich?"

"Yes, its when one person on one side of the world takes a slice of bread and sets it on the ground, while another person on the other side of the world does the exact same thing. It makes an earth sandwich. The bread is the bread, and the earth is the middle-"

His boss cut him off. "I think America is really starting to rub off on you."

He sighed and then smiled. "I think you might be right."

* * *

**A/N**

**This story idea came from something I saw on iFunny. **

**Review and help me correct my grammar! Any grammar mistakes pointed out will be fixed! **


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